Trying to come up with the best 4th of July themed recipes led me down a couple roads. Should I do a patriotic red, white and blue trifle? How about barbecue foods? Maybe I should make some long forgotten dish of our patriot ancestors past…

In the end I arrived at crispy, fried, artery clogging finger foods!! What’s more American than the appetizer sampler platter? Right?! Okay, I know I’m perpetuating stereotypes (which in many places are entirely accurate), but even if your are a healthy eater these are worth a try.

The breading is universally awesome. Get creative with what you’re breading. Here, we have done “Jeart Attack Jalapeno Poppers,” “Guaca Fries,” and “That’s the best fried pickle I’ve ever heard!” With this EASY breading, you can batter potatoes, asparagus, chicken, pork…you name it!

Ingredients

The Breading

• 2 cups flour
• 1 packet dried ranch
• Plain Panko bread crumbs
• 3-4 eggs well beaten

The Pickles

• Claussen dill pickles sliced lengthwise (you can find them in the refrigerated section by the cheeses)

The Avocados

• Who have though…SLICED AVOCADO

The Poppers

• 20-25 fresh jalapenos
• 2 – 8 oz. blocks cream cheese
• 8 oz. cheese (the best is sharp white or yellow cheddar and Monterrey jack cheese mixed)
• 0.5 cups bacon chopped roughly (I used the “real bacon” bits you can buy in a bag for ease…nothing imitation)
• 1 bunch chopped scallion
• 1 T. minced garlic
• 1 red chile pepper finely chopped
• 1 packet dry ranch dressing

Preparation:

1) Cut a vertical slice down the side of each jalapeno, and remove seeds. If you have sensitive skin, eyes, or nose, wear gloves and turn a fan on to circulate the air. Midway through I started choking, and my hands were on fire for the rest of the day.

2) In a bowl, mix the remaining ingredients using your freshly washed hands.

3) Stuff each jalapeno with the cream cheese mixture, and place in a pan.

4) Open pickles and drain juice. Set aside in a bowl.

5) Pit, peel and slice your avocados and salt them well (use cajun seasoning if you like a kick). Set aside.

6) Get your assembly line ready. First, items to batter, then beaten eggs, then mixture of flour and ranch (well mixed), then Panko bread crumbs, and lastly, a pan in which to place everything.

7) Dip first in eggs, then flour mixture, then back in the eggs, and then in the Panko. Do this for all of your items…you will batter your hands in the process. Just wash them off in between if it becomes unmanageable. Just remember to dry your hands off well.

8) Heat oil on medium high heat. DO NOT PLACE ITEMS IN THE OIL UNTIL IT IS FULLY HEATED. This will result in limp, overly greasy poppers…aint nobody got time for that.

9) Test oil by flicking a drop of water into the oil with a wet finger. If it crackles, the oil is ready. If it crackles A LOT. Turn the heat down…it’s a little TOO hot.

10) ALWAYS HAVE A LID NEARBY WHEN FRYING TO PUT OUT A FIRE. Never use water if the oil catches on fire…it will cause a flare up. The Phoody takes on no liability if some fool burns down their house…that’s on you bro.

11) Place items in fry oil, and fry until golden brown.

12) Once done, lift from fry oil with your slotted spoon or fry-basket and allow excess oil to drip from items.

13) Place on paper towel to sop up excess oil and cool.

14) Serve items with ranch, blue cheese dressing, sriracha mayo…whatever dipping sauce you want!

15) Have 911 on speed dial in the event of a major blockage.

ENJOY!

– The Phoody